Will Marriage Solve Your Problems?


Contrary to what fairy tales proclaim, happily ever after doesn’t automatically happen after marriage. If you expect your spouse to relieve you of loneliness and to meet your emotional needs for love, joy and affection — then regretfully, you might be in for a rude shock.

Don’t depend on your spouse to solve all your problems or take away all your woes. Your spouse will bring you joy but will also frustrate you! You’ll need to consciously choose to be happy and intentionally work towards creating happiness in your marriage.

Your self-worth shouldn’t be determined by your spouse. Being comfortable in your own skin by knowing your strengths well and having the tenacity to work on your weaknesses — that is what you need to feel fulfilled and secure. A successful marriage is made up of two whole individuals who seek to be other-centred. It’s about confidently knowing when to give and to receive.

Your spouse can never be a solution to all your problems. Unresolved emotional issues such as low self-esteem, discontent, irrational fears, poor financial management, a wandering eye — these are issues that will be carried into one relationship after another if left unchecked. Change always begins with us. We need to work on ourselves first and not only expect our spouses to change for us; they can never be the panacea to all our problems.

If anything, marriage reveals problems rather than solves them. Being married might help us see things about ourselves that we might have never discovered when we were single. The key is to identify what needs to be worked on and remain committed to doing all that is necessary to strengthen yourself and your marital relationship. 

© 2017 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

While our marriage in its current state may not be the happily ever after we dreamt of, we can definitely work together on a dream for the future. Find out how to create and live that dream for your relationship with our Marriage workshops. 

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