Why Love Isn't Enough In A Marriage
The butterflies one feels in the tummy, the thrill of anticipation to meet the other — these loving feelings bring people together, but they may not guarantee a strong and loving marriage that lasts a lifetime. According to Gary Chapman in Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married, “being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage.” Chapman explains, “Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience, however, emotions change and obsessions fade. Problems arise when this happily-ever-after feeling subsides, and when couples are not equipped with skills for managing this.”
Thankfully, there are ways to transition to the next stage of romantic love, but it requires couples to be more intentional in the way they express love to each other. Couples will need to put in effort to keep the emotional aspect of love alive. One way that couples can be intentional in loving each other is to learn to love in ways that the other person feels most loved. Everyone has different ways of expressing and receiving love. Start by asking your spouse — what makes them feel most loved or how you can better express your care for them in a situation — you may be surprised to discover new things about them!
When spouses fail to understand each other, it might cause them to lose that loving feeling and question if they have ceased loving each other. This is not necessarily so, and in reality, it could be that both parties are showing love to the other in ways that are not fully appreciated or understood. When a couple chooses to put in the necessary work to learn to show love after the initial euphoria of being in love has passed, the emotional depth of love can be far deeper and more satisfying than imagined; as a result, the marriage will remain strong and long-lasting.
Text: Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.
*For more information on the different love languages, check out Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages