Should My Partner Be Able To Read Me?


Many new couples might fall in the trap of thinking — “If he really loves me, he'll know what I need without me having to tell him” or “She’s not telling me anything, so she must be fine”. But when disagreements happen and our partners don't seem to get our frustration at the situation, does it mean that they don’t love us anymore?

Any couple that harbours such beliefs will experience challenges in their relationship over time, which could lead both to become increasingly distant from each other. Communication is key. Approach disagreements without putting blame on the other person. Share openly what you need from your partner and this will help you better understand what makes your partner feel most loved in your relationship. Being in love and in a relationship doesn't mean we become mind-readers, but a healthy kind of love, compromise and sacrifice entail being other-centred — constantly making the effort to find out what our partner needs. 

In communicating our needs, it is important to understand how upbringing and past experiences can influence what our partner values — what might be important to us might not be such a big deal to our partner. Likewise, when they show signs of annoyance or hurt at an issue which seems like no big deal to you, don’t just brush it off. It's pertinent to not let resentment build up; work instead at acquiring healthy conflict-management skills to effectively communicate your needs in ways that strengthen your bond with your partner.

A partner's failure to anticipate exactly what you need should never be a sign of a lack of love. Needs have to be communicated constantly and should not be seen as a weakness in a relationship; it is a healthy necessity for maintaining a strong relationship. 

Text: Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

Engaged couples can join Connect2, a two-day marriage preparation course organised by Focus on the Family which helps couples address issues that all newlyweds will face, and be equipped to build a strong foundation for their marriage to last a lifetime.


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